Decades of Memories Left Behind
Thursday night I went down to the train station an hour earlier to eat a little dinner before my class met for the trip north. It just so happened that this time, I'm the one who brought the least out of everyone. =) So at 6:45pm we hopped onto the train, well actually, we stuffed into the train and started our journey to Guangdong. There were only 4 stops along they way but at each stop the crowd that got onto the train grew. There was absolutely no leg room, much less room for our luggage. As we got off at the last stop you can see a wave of people moving out of the trains and onto the platform, running to the nearest exit to see who can make it to the immigration lines faster.
Honestly, since coming to HK, I have not seen so many people stuffed onto the train and running so fast before. Everyone was hurrying to get back to the Chinese Mainland to visit their ancestrial graves and such. I, as well as my class, was on our way to Shenzhen, for the 4 hour bus ride to Shao Guan. Our 3 star hotel in Shao Guan turned out to be alright. Other than the practice of knocking on your own door before you open it with the card key, it was okay. Apparently you knock on the door to inform anyone inside, alive or dead, that you're coming in.
The driver of our bus was absolutely insane. On our way to the hotel, he was driving on the shoulder, cutting off a couple hundred trucks and honking non-stop. I slept for most of the ride. But each day of our trip we always saw car accidents, and each day I think our bus driver broke a dozen laws. Not to mention seeing some guy driving purposely opposite the way of traffic. The tour guide was pretty horrible too. She was young and inexperienced, with a horrible temper. This was her conversation with the border officials, "Why didn't you tell me this morning when I passed that the highway will be closed tonight? How are we gonna get home now? You know we're on a schedule? So why didn't you tell me it was gonna be closed tonight when I passed by this morning?" The class just looked at each other, shrugged cuz we expected it, and dozed off again.
Overall, the trip was pretty good. It was educational, dirty, stressful, tiring, but the bonds created during our trip outweighed all the hardship. The best part of the trip was finally getting to know the people in my class. The class is a cultural and religion course, so everyone's a local except me. Everyone speaks cantonese and their english isn't good at all. But we had the greatest time, we'd laugh at almost everything and the greatest part is that we all just clicked. I couldn't do that with the other exchange students. I guess I am a fob at heart... somewhat.
We saw centuries old villages, inteviewed people with different dialects, we saw how they picked and dried rice, we experienced how they went to the washroom... we saw how they lived. We tried not to think about why they like to go to the washroom in a reuseable bucket instead of dedicating a piece of area since there's a vast amount of land to use for that purpose. My first time going in a bucket. We saw huge, fat chickens. It was good that the chickens were "running on land chickens" and tried to ignore where they ran, what they stepped in and what they pecked at. We ignored that the old woman was washing vegetables on the ground. The same ground that kids run on after coming in from the fields where they ride on bulls and step in piles of bull poo. We ate their speciality foods after sweeping away the flies. We'd take the bottom pieces, smile and say "zhen de hao chi ah!" But then, since most of them speak Hakka dialect, we're not even sure if they understood. We'd offer cookies to the kids after talking to them about their schooling, how they lived, who they lived with, and what they liked to do each day after school.
The sweetest part was when they all smiled. The kids smiled when we gave cookies cuz they don't get visitors much. The old women smiled when we gave them cookies cuz they'd tell they can't eat it anymore cuz they have no teeth, but that was obvious the moment they showed their gratitude. For them, it was rare that anyone would be coming to see their village, take pictures and ask questions about day to day things that they never thought was important. The old women say, "why do you want to go in there? It's dirty and smelly." Then we say, "it's okay, so which generation are you from since the creation of this village? Popo, the kids are so cute, which generation are they?"
They have these supersitions, that in the building you go up one way and you can't go down the same way. They say they build the structure so that the wooden bars on the top are thicker than the bars on the bottom to indicate that when you're climbing the political ladder, you get more powerful and important. If you come down the same way, it's the same as being pushed down and demoted. Being me not understanding what the guide was talking about. I came down the same way at the end and I didn't know what I did wrong until he asked me in mandarin, "which side did you come down?" "zhe bian," that side I said pointing. Smiling, he nodded. They also like to put odd things in the building. For example, they would put chinese verses on the side of doors that are purposely written wrong, in hopes that when their children grow up, they would noticed what was wrong after years of studying.
I took a hundred pictures cuz most of it is supposedly for our project. I have to buy another memory card if I want to take as much pictures as I want during my Shanghai trip. Coming back from Shao Guan was another 4 hour trip. Afterwards I realized how scary a place the small cities in China were. The food we ate was just not appealing. We'd eat snails that were still in it's shell, you're supposed to fork it out only to find that it's a long thing and then end of it is leaking baby shells. Then they'd put a whole chicken in front of you, which is normally fine, but not after where we saw the chickens were coming from. We guessed that the vegetables must be very organic as well, no chemicals, purely organic fertilizer, possibly homemade. But they put so much oil in everything. And since we're visitors, each meal was a feast for kings.
Anyway, after the 3 night 3 day Guangdong trip, my class is planning on taking me around HK and treating me to "siu". It's gonna be a lot of fun! They're even asking me to extend my exchange. I want to so much!! Stupid accounting. I'm pretty much "tui" about school here, too bad accounting can't be transfered. I can tell I'm gonna miss them a lot.
White flags
Ever heard the lyrics of "White Flag" by Dido?
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it,
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always way be
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was there
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Locations
The other day was the first time I saw a fob gay couple. I saw two high school kids holding hands on the street, both guys still in their uniforms. It was an interesting, yet disappointing experience at the same time, cuz of course, the guy was cute.
I'm going to a place in Guangdong Province on thursday to see some village. We're staying at some crappy 2 star hotel, it's gonna be brutal. I hope I don't get sick from the water. I'm sort of reconsidering about this trip, don't really wanna go to some old, dirty village, with people I don't even know, for a course I can't understand. Oh well, if I don't go, the prof is gonna have to pay the $780 renminbi for me cuz he reserved the spots. Heh heh...It's not like he's marking my paper or anything so I don't care what he thinks really. Unfortunately, my relationship with the T.A. is worse, whom is marking my paper, cuz I told him I wouldn't be going to his tutorials since he changed it to thursday. LOL.
Anyway, the rest of October will be really busy for me. My trip to Guangdong provice is from the 21st to 24th, then I'm heading to Shanghai on the 29th for 4/5 days. Aaahh!! I also want to go to Macau! *sigh* I can't believe I only have 2 more months, and I haven't went anywhere yet. Kinda still travelling the smaller places of HK, I haven't even been to the touristy areas! Museums I'll leave for a rainy day.
I also wanna go to Japan, but I haven't decided when I wanna go, or if I can. It's really expensive, not sure if I should spend that kinda money. Besides, it's not even my money. *sigh* But I know it would totally be worth it. But a part of me doesnb't really want to go with exchange friends. A part of me just wants to leave those experiences to be shared with just 1 person in the future. Okay, we all know I'm a little weird. There are just places I wanna go and experience with just a small group of friends are a special someone, like Thailand, Malaysia, Japan and Europe. Hahaha, I think I just listed half the world. I guess it's the way I've daydreamed or imagined and that's the way I find it sweetest. But then again, if I paid for it myself I'd probably go without hesitating.
I've also thought about moving out about a month into coming here on exchange. Moving out of my parents house when I get home I mean. I think they expect me to be home. I don't think they even thought about the possibility of me moving out yet. So, I guess the first step is finding a job, then finding a place to stay or possibly finding a roommate to help pay rent. It would be totally impossible to save money with that plan. Then again, moving out would mean loss of the use of my parent's care. Hmmm...interesting trade. If I moved out, I can't afford a car. Okay, so the thought's just preliminary. I'll make an action plan later. I'm envisioning a 2-4 year transition.
Yesterday Once More
I went to watch Yesterday Once More starring Sammi Cheng and Andy Lau. It was SO good. This and all other Sammi movies. =) Ya, I cried, even if I lied nobody would believe me. Oh ya, for some odd reason I'm also happy that I got into Personal Finance 4050. I guess it's cuz I was on the waitlist, never thinking that I'd actually get in. Now I'm being a bitch and not dropping my conflicting Marketing Research yet cuz I'm not sure which one I wanna take. ;) Oh wellz, tough for those who enrolled late, that was me last year. =P
I used to think about what being on exchange would be like and imagining that I'd forget about things back home cuz I'd be having so much fun. Now I realize that I could never forget about the things I have to do back home cuz I care about it and worry about it enough to want to hear what's going on.
A part of me also thought that if I just got to the other side of the world sooner, I could leave all the things I wanted to leave behind and not have to think about them again and eventually let it go. I thought that if it wasn't around me, I could give it up and have it pass away easier. Obviously, writing this now means that isn't the case. It goes where you go, and exists where you are. It never left me, I just had less time to think about it. Any spark can light it up, any key can open the lock. Any form of unexpected action, and the thought would drive me feeling insane all over again, enough to have me question if the reason I used to get rid of it the first time was a good enough reason to begin with. The same questions circle in my mind and I still can't find the answers. In the end I just tell myself to try and forget about it and hope that this time, it's not sealed away without my knowing, but the thought has moved on and I'm certain it can't be lit again or shock me by pouncing at me suddenly. Well, at least now I know that the thought hasn't moved on and the feeling hasn't subsided and that the questions can't be answered and I'm still lost.
Someone once told me that when you're away from home and alone, you'd feel closer to God because you'd seek Him now that you have no one. But you're never really alone, at least for myself, I don't think I'm alone enough for it to be a motivation to seek God. I should seek God with the purity of just wanting to. Or maybe it's just cuz I'm used to being alone and feeling lonely that it's become a part of me now. It's a part of me that doesn't bother me anymore cuz it's inevitable that you are alone at some point whether you're alone phyically or alone in a crowd. Or, being alone is a motivation in itself to end it, which means Loneliness must be a self-destructing attribute in the sense that once it's created, it acts as a motivation to kill itself. Which for me, is easily done. It's easy for me to make friends, but the hardest thing in the world to find close friends. Then the second hardest thing is making potential close friends closer. So, technically I'm not really alone, but I'm not really close to anyone either. Haha. I guess, it's... bittersweet.
Supercenter Heaven
Today I missed Toronto a whole lot. I desired to be home with a sickly passion. It all started with an innocent trip to sing Karaoke Lunch with an odd group of friends. Odd as in, people who would not normally come together, came together. Then, I headed to Tsim Sha Tsui again cuz someone wanted to go. I thought, ya sure, why not, I've been there. Or so I thought. Honestly, I can say now, because of what I missed the first time, I wasn't really there. This time when I went, I found this supermarket, called Citysuper or something like that. Walking around in this supermarket made me extremely homesick. Haha...why does a supermarket make me home sick?
Walking down the aisles, passing Movenpick ice cream. My favourite being their vanilla, cuz they make it with real vanilla beans and not extract. Seeing Lindt and Valhdora chocolate, my favourite: dark or bittersweet. The good part was when I walked by the Japanese section. Sushi and sashimi all lined up like in T&T or Dominion. Then, to top it off, they had a huge variety of japanese soba noodles and egg noodles! Of course you can't forget the soba sauce and dumpling sauce. Then for dessert, havarti cheese. They even had jalapeno havarti cheese. Truly, it was my kind of paradise. Okay, so I'm a little weird about choosing a place I call paradise. But who dreams of going to a nice blue beach with fine white sand and sun without food right?! I mean you imagine sitting on a beach chair with your choice of cocktail right? Whatever paradise you choose, there has to be food. So here was mine.
Suddenly I missed the T&T that's 5 minutes drive away or 20 minutes walk. It's cold enough in TO so that if you buy a bag of dumplings, it won't defrost on the way home. I missed the new Loblaws that I never went to yet, but I'm sure it's great, like every other Loblaws. Now the thought of working at Loblaws is really appealing. I missed my mom's japanese noodles with miso soup or soba sauce. I missed the dumplings with my homemade spicy mix. Popcorn. Not that I can't get popcorn here, but popcorn just tastes a lot better at home lying on my couch or sharing it with friends. Okay, you can't get popcorn here, I haven't seen Orville or ACTs anywhere yet. I missed snacking on havarti cheese with my mom mumbling in the background about how expensive it is the way I buy it and how weird I am eating it alone. Ice cream should be getting cheaper over there by now. Which is usually when I tell my mom to stock up cuz I eat ice cream when I'm stressed with school, and that's in the winter. Haha. Aiya, I miss my mom's homecooked japanese meals. Not that I can't cook it myself, but just buying the ingredients alone cost a lot, then I have to lug it all the way back up to rez.
Kinda torn between wanting to live alone, or wanting to live with my parents. If only I can have the benefits of living with my parents and live alone as well. Now I'd really like to live in one of those new town houses or in that new apartment near my place. Then I'd technically be alone, but close to home too, and next to the supermarket. =) My wonderful place right now isn't the sandy beach and clear sky. I'd hit there some time next month. Hee hee *wink*
Celebration Week
Where do I even begin? This week was absolutely crazy!! Okay...so I kinda skipped this whole week of school cuz I knew all the exchange students wouldn't be in class. Who knew that the Europeans were so hard working?! Anyway, this week I went over to my friend's house and kinda crashed there with 2 other friends. We lit lanterns and admired other people's lanterns. We also melt wax and made it explode. Hahaha...I dunno how I can describe it in english.
We spent the mid-autumn festival at a beach in Sai Kung. It was really amazing, cuz there were a lot of people on the beach and everyone was lighting candles. From afar, all you could see was tiny white lights lining the harbour. We sat on the beach next to a bar so we had a great view as well as great music. Then we went back to my friend's house for drinks, we kinda finished a whole bottle of rum in one night. Hahaha...it was a very interesting night.
Then friday night, I went to see the fireworks with another exchange student at Tsim Sha Tsui cuz they were "celebrating China". I took so many pictures and videos! Then at night, I met up with a couple other friends and we decided to walk Temple Street. Okay, Temple Street isn't as freaky as I imagined. I was imagining that it would be full of crazy fortune tellers and eerie purple or red lights and old people. HAHAHA... Well there was a street full of fortune tellers, but not crazy, and they were old, but not eerie. Lol. I guess if I were walking the street by myself, I'd be freaked out. We checked out a cafe after that and yet again bused to Sai Kung cuz I missed the last train back to CUHK.
All my friends who came back from Thailand said it was really fun. Now I wanna go to Thailand too, or Shanghai or Singapore. Argh...dunno how long my HKID is going to take. I'm kinda getting impatient. *sigh* Oh well.
Tomorrow I'm meeting up with this guy I met on the bus to Sai Kung. Going to Sai Kung takes me an hour and that day on my first trip there, this guy sat next to me asking me how to get to some place. We ended up talking for the whole hour, and on the same day he called me out to eat dessert, which of course, I didn't go. Yes, we exchanged numbers, and so I'm meeting him tomorrow. No, I know what some of you are thinking, it's not like that, he's okay looking. I said 'No', you should know what I mean. =)
Okay, sleep time, and tomorrow I must catch up on the work I missed, or finally get in tune with what work I actually have to do. Hahaha.
